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They stopped at her presumed room where her clothes were, and she got some shorts and a t shirt, and they went to the room Joanne and he shared for a quick shower and a change of clothes, though his were similar to the ones he wore before. His uniform of button down white shirt and khakis. And they went back to the kitchen.They headed out through the kitchen door and onto the four season porch. Large screen windows looking out to the lake all along the back of the house. In winter, or actually when it got cold, which in Minnesota usually included the second half of fall and the first half of spring, glass covered those windows and heat kept the porch comfortable. Walking through the porch to the door to outside, they took the short set of stairs onto the stonework surface that held the large black barbecue mostly used for family gatherings a couple times a year. Crushed brick pathways led out of the stone semi-circle and into a large garden with benches and some modernist sculptures,. Much. I am no nurse though the shower, as such, is my hospital. Perhaps I should let them be. Scars heal over when left alone. Sometimes vanish like old friends or the garbage left by the curb on Tuesday night. I caress my scars. Dream about him next to me. Feel him in the night tending them. Believe that he’s there. Then there’s light and the shower is still running. I leave it on even though the water bill is too high to pay. I like the sound of the water rushing over me. Let the water pour. Clean and hot and desensitizing, destroying prints and calluses, burning away bacteria, boiling needles to the surface of my skin. Mindless, hopeless activity. I sit in the shower without forgiven and need and lust and longing. The scars will never vanish. Never fade completely. But remind me of the torture of trust, the fool who gives over. The emptiness that follows desire. All of it written in stitches across the scars and curves of fingerprints from homemade thread and sewn with the needles.
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